My name is mommy and I have emotional breakdowns

If you couldn't predict from my last post, I finally had a breakdown. It's only my second major one since Copper's been born. (Kellie and Shelly got to witness my 1st one about a month after Copper was born.) The event that finally set me off, but was merely the icing on the cake, happened while I was dusting the shelves in our living room. As I dusted Copper removed books from the shelves and tossed them on the ground. I told her over and over not to do that and removed her from the shelves about 4 times. I know that it doesn't seem like a very big infraction, but I'm a bit tired and Copper has been very needy lately. So I finally lost my cool. I picked her up a bit roughly but not enough to cause her concern and intended to head to her room to put her to bed since she was supposed to be sleeping anyways. Aubrey saw the expression on my face and took Copper. I then spoke passionately about how I can't ever finish anything that I start, I can't do anything without Copper being right there, I can't go anywhere without her, I can't, I can't, I can't...Some of the root of this outburst comes from the fact that Copper is very needy of me. Aubrey can do pretty much whatever he wants around the house and he never has to worry about Copper because she is always glued to me. The kiddo's with my every day all day, so I get why she wants to be around me, but I need a mother f'in break every once in a while. When she cries I have to hold her, when she needs to go to bed I have to put her down, when she's hungry I have to feed her, when she needs a diaper change I have to change her. That list isn't always on me 100% of the time, Aubrey does help, but it's not too much of an exaggeration. Part of the problem is my own fault because I don't ask Aubrey for help. I'm also so used to doing things myself that I don't give Aubrey the chance to do it first. Like a woman I just expect him to read my mind and do things without me asking. Does that work? Of course not and I know it. Today I learned that I need to communicate better with Aubrey and ask him to be with Copper when I don't want her help emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom, dusting the bookshelves, washing the dishes, giving Melvin a bath, cooking, peeing, walking through the kitchen, eating my dessert, doing laundry, emptying the litterbox, working on the computer, etc. I need to remember that he is capable of taking Copper to the store by himself, feeding her an entire meal, getting her from her bed in the mornings on the weekends, changing her diapers, picking out her outfits, putting her down for a nap after she refused to go down after nursing (which he did today without me asking him to it), and entertaining her while I do things. I also need to remember that Aubrey is capable of housework and that I don't need to do it all. My next post should be about happier moments. This is a blog about raising a kid and this shit has been hitting me hard this past week.

Note: I am getting a housecleaner starting in February. Cleaning the house is really f'in hard when a 1 year old is clinging to your leg or screaming because you're not holding her. I have many other things that I would rather be doing in my very precious, very little spare time.