Books

Copper loves to be read to, but only certain books. We have a lot to choose from, but she only wants to read the same 10 books over and over again, day after day. I have some of them memorized. Last night I told her to get the book "The Very Silly Shark." She walked over to her book case, looked for it for a few seconds, and then pulled it off the shelf. When we asked for 3 more books by title, she knew exactly which ones we asked for. It's easy to forget how much kids her age can understand just because they can't talk to you.

16 Months Old

This tall little lady turned 16 months old two days ago. This past week whenever I look at her and watch her walk around with such confidence, I am amazed at how big she is. She's not a baby anymore, she's a full fledged toddler. Her sausage feet and lego hands are both gone. In their place are beautiful, slim toddler feet and hands. She has 8+ teeth which she hates me brushing. She can (almost) pull her pants down all by herself. She likes to go down slides and climb up and down steps. She loves playing outside. She still doesn't talk much (other than some pretty serious babbling), but says "dumb" all the time. She knows the signs for "bubbles," "more," "ball," and "music," and would know even more if I taught her. If you ask her to go and get something she'll do it. She knows where her eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, hands, feet, head, hair, and ears are. She's still way freakin needy and loves more than anything to hold on to your finger and just walk.

3 pounds

About 3 weeks ago I stopped Copper's morning nursing, which brought us down to two nursings. I have since gained about 3 pounds. I easily lost the baby weight after Copper was born and even lost an extra 5 for hell of it. I can take no credit for the weight loss. It was all boob. The whole 500 calories a day burned while breast feeding is no joke (at least for me anyways). I've barely been working out and pay absolutely no attention to calories. All that has come to an end. Apparently my boobs have gotten lazy. Two feedings a day is nothing for them and they no longer need any calories to do their job. Now I'm back to the real world where my hearty appetite must now be paired with daily exercise.

Learning

Copper's brain is a little sponge. Her skills may be a bit rudimentary, but she takes in everything. The other day my mom was holding Copper and using a toothpick in her mouth and then set it down. When she wasn't looking Copper picked up the toothpick and started poking at her mouth with it. This picture is from about 2 weeks ago when I was recovering a chair. I used a screwdriver to remove the old staples and when I wasn't using the screwdriver any more, Copper would pick it up and stab at the chair with it and rotate her hand back and forth. Here she's attempting to use the staple gun. I love seeing her copy the things that we're doing, but it also is a bit scary. Time to be on our best behavior.

Only 2 Times!

Copper only nursed 2 times today! We eliminated the morning feeding and she didn't even notice. Nap time and bed time are left. Now if she would just drink enough milk out of her sippy cups to make up for the decrease in booby milk. With nursing (at 3 times a day) and what I can get her to drink from cups, we're probably right around the recommended 16 ounces. She's going to need to step up her big girl drinking in order to cut back any more on the breastfeeding.

Forward Facing

On January 15th we turned Copper Jo Jo around. She officially became a forward facing passenger. We're well aware of the current advice to not turn your child around until they're 120 pounds or 14 years old, but we felt that Copper's freedom to look out the front window was worth the risk.

1 or 2?

Not only does everyone ask Aubrey and I if we're planning on having another kiddo, but we ask ourselves that same question daily. Copper is a very needy child and it's rare that I feel that I have my shit together. So adding another little devil to the mix doesn't always seem like it will make my life better. But that's strictly from a logistical stand point. Logistally, I can't imagine having a second kid. Going to Target with two, getting two ready to leave the house, nursing one while trying to make a meal for the other, going for a hike with two, paying for dinner for four, airline tickets for four, traveling with two kids...it just doesn't sound fun. I think that this is because I'm engrossed in the baby stages of things, when they are very needy and dependent. I know how much Copper requires of my time and I just can't see how I could have enough time for two. Then we have those great days where Lucy is around and Copper finally lets go of my leg and sits mesmorized by her cousin. She doesn't whine or cry or beg to be held. She just watches and tries to play with Lucy. We had Lucy at our house Friday night and for the first time since Copper was born, I thought that it just may not be that bad having a second kid. We went swimming, ate dinner, took a bath, and got ready for bed and it all went super smooth. It was more work taking care of two, but way easier because Copper was always with Lucy instead of in my arms or attached to my legs. Having a sibling, I have a hard time imaging what it would be like for Copper to be an only child. I can imagine what our lives would be like (mother-daughter backpacking trips, traveling across the country molding a pro motocross racer, etc.), but I feel that I would be letting her down by not giving her a brother or sister to play with, pick on, talk to, and grow up with. Derek and I always did things together as kids and continue to do things together. I want to travel and provide a lot of experiences with Copper, but in a way I think that she won't get as much out of those experiences if she doesn't have a partner in crime to explore with. For selfish reasons I would like for Copper to be an only child, for non-selfish reasons I would like for Copper to have a sibling. I have a feeling that the non-selfish side will win the battle, but for now I'm just going to be thankful that I only have to take care of one little devil.

My name is mommy and I have emotional breakdowns

If you couldn't predict from my last post, I finally had a breakdown. It's only my second major one since Copper's been born. (Kellie and Shelly got to witness my 1st one about a month after Copper was born.) The event that finally set me off, but was merely the icing on the cake, happened while I was dusting the shelves in our living room. As I dusted Copper removed books from the shelves and tossed them on the ground. I told her over and over not to do that and removed her from the shelves about 4 times. I know that it doesn't seem like a very big infraction, but I'm a bit tired and Copper has been very needy lately. So I finally lost my cool. I picked her up a bit roughly but not enough to cause her concern and intended to head to her room to put her to bed since she was supposed to be sleeping anyways. Aubrey saw the expression on my face and took Copper. I then spoke passionately about how I can't ever finish anything that I start, I can't do anything without Copper being right there, I can't go anywhere without her, I can't, I can't, I can't...Some of the root of this outburst comes from the fact that Copper is very needy of me. Aubrey can do pretty much whatever he wants around the house and he never has to worry about Copper because she is always glued to me. The kiddo's with my every day all day, so I get why she wants to be around me, but I need a mother f'in break every once in a while. When she cries I have to hold her, when she needs to go to bed I have to put her down, when she's hungry I have to feed her, when she needs a diaper change I have to change her. That list isn't always on me 100% of the time, Aubrey does help, but it's not too much of an exaggeration. Part of the problem is my own fault because I don't ask Aubrey for help. I'm also so used to doing things myself that I don't give Aubrey the chance to do it first. Like a woman I just expect him to read my mind and do things without me asking. Does that work? Of course not and I know it. Today I learned that I need to communicate better with Aubrey and ask him to be with Copper when I don't want her help emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom, dusting the bookshelves, washing the dishes, giving Melvin a bath, cooking, peeing, walking through the kitchen, eating my dessert, doing laundry, emptying the litterbox, working on the computer, etc. I need to remember that he is capable of taking Copper to the store by himself, feeding her an entire meal, getting her from her bed in the mornings on the weekends, changing her diapers, picking out her outfits, putting her down for a nap after she refused to go down after nursing (which he did today without me asking him to it), and entertaining her while I do things. I also need to remember that Aubrey is capable of housework and that I don't need to do it all. My next post should be about happier moments. This is a blog about raising a kid and this shit has been hitting me hard this past week.

Note: I am getting a housecleaner starting in February. Cleaning the house is really f'in hard when a 1 year old is clinging to your leg or screaming because you're not holding her. I have many other things that I would rather be doing in my very precious, very little spare time.

My name is mommy and I put my fingers in my ears

For a majority of my time with Copper I am 100% happy. There are times though when her cries make me want to put my fingers in my ears. Not just want to put fingers in my ears, but I actually do it. I don't feel good doing it, but it does dull the pain. I try very hard to be understanding and patient and sensitive. She is only 14 months old (Happy 14 Months today!) and she cries when she needs to. I get that, but it doesn't mean that I can always handle it. I need about 9 hours of sleep a night. Without that, I am not the mommy that I want to be. Granted I haven't thrown her against a wall or violently shaken her, but I have shut down when I'm with her and she is having a fit for whatever reason. Today was one of those days. I'm coming down with something and didn't get as much sleep as I needed last night since Copper woke up an hour early today. Apparently we were both suffering from that lost hour, because she was a super turd today. I'm a bit sensitive to noise and Copper can make a lot of noise. I feel bad when I feel that I need a break from her when she feels that she needs me most. But damn, she can be a little shit. When I'm well rested I make the extra effort to make her happy again. When I'm tired, I make smart ass comments, don't make the extra effort, and long for a few minutes/days to myself. Then as soon as she's happy again I feel guilty for wanting to check out. When I look at her sleeping in the monitor before I go to bed, I can't wait to see her in the morning and spend my day with her. I once heard this story of a woman who related parenting to being on a diet. She said that every day she starts out with the best of intentions, but with dieting she can at least make it to noon. Basically this post is just my way of asking for a couple comments about how horrible you've been to your child, and that really I'm a super mom even at my worst moments. And that my child will not be scarred from my lack of compassion when she is clinging to my leg screaming her head off for no reason other than I'm not holding her.

4 Feet

On Tuesday, December 27, Copper Jo took her first 2 steps. It happened in the kitchen at Aubrey's grandparent's house. She had pulled a small bottle of olive oil out of a lower cupboard and holding it with her little baby hands, she took two small shuffle steps. I don't think that her smile was as big as mine, but she knew what she was doing was something special. Aubrey was at the grocery store when it happened. The following Friday she took 2 real steps of the kind where her feet actually left the ground. That happened in the kitchen at my parent's house. Over this last weekend she took 4 and 6 steps with Aubrey in our basement. Last night she walked over 4 feet. Aubrey, Copper, and I were in our kitchen. I stood about 2 feet away from Copper holding out my hands encouraging her to walk over to me. She tentatively started towards me and then veered off to the right and walked over 4 feet into the dining room. Aubrey and I gave her a standing ovation.

Follow-up to "3 nights...and counting"

Copper officially has a new bedtime routine. She nurses, sits up, gives me a big long hug, points to her bed, snuggles with a stuffed animal, and then peacefully falls asleep all by herself. This is how it is done every night.

Note: There can not be a light on outside of her room or she will point to the bright light coming in the crack of her door. Her humidifier needs to already be started. If I push the "on" button while she is watching she will point to the humidier to touch it. And then all bets are off. She will refuse to go down without a fight.

3 Nights...And Counting?

Almost every time that Copper has gone to bed has been by me nursing her to sleep. There were 3 nights within a week about a month ago where she put herself to sleep after nursing (this is in her crib, not in our bed or the guest bed with me laying next to her). I thought then that we were on to something, but it was an anomaly. Our routine is that when she shows signs of being tired, usually between 8-9, I take her to her room and sometimes read a few books, and then she nurses while I read and she falls asleep. I then gently place her in her crib where she sleeps a good 10-12 hours and wakes around 8 am. If she ever wakes up in the process of laying her down, it's back to square one, the boob. Three nights ago Copper ate and ate and then was done and sat up. So I turned off the light and tried rocking her to sleep. She rested her head on my shoulder, let her body relax and then did her crazy yelling thing, "Da! Da! Da!" for 5 minutes. She didn't seem to be getting any closer to sleep so I put her in her bed. She stood at the railing and hugged me for a long time until I turned on her mobile as a distraction. She played with that for a while and then came back over to the railing for some half assed fussing. I brought our chair next to her crib so she knew I was near. I ignored her fussing and it never escalated and after about 10 minutes she laid down and fell asleep. That night I was in her room about an hour. Last night was pretty much the same gig only shorter, 45 minutes. Tonight (drum roll please) was only 20 minutes. She ate, sat up, we hugged, I laid her down with her stuffed Sheepy, covered her with a blanket, gave her a kiss on the forehead, said goodnight, and walked out the door. She was asleep with out fussing within 5 minutes of me leaving. May this be a sign of good things to come.

And...I only nursed her 3 times today! I've been down to 4 for over a month, but cut out her afternoon feast today. She's finally getting down the whole sippy cup technique and is getting some cow's milk in her tummy. More cow's milk equals less mommy's milk.

Learning to Walk

Copper Jo is getting so stinkin' big so stinkin' fast! This is her 1st day using her Y Bike and she has it nailed. She appears to have her fathers ability to pick up any skill and master it quickly. This was shot on Dec 2 and up until then, we have given her minimal opportunity to even use her legs to walk. She would work her way around part of the coffee table and her Grandpa had just recently started holding her hands to help her walk, but I really thought that it would take more than 1 try to figure out her walker. My kid's awesome.

Just the Beginning

Copper seemed to go from crawling to pulling herself up to creating complete chaos in a very short amount of time. Once she learned to crawl she realized that there are no limits to her abilities. Every obstacle is now a challenge that she is determined to overcome. Which means a lot more supervision on our part. This video was shot on November 22 and the next day she was right back up the stairs and she had already perfected her technique. Now every time she's playing in the basement, she heads to the stairs and starts climbing.

Happy 1st Birthday, Copper Jo!

For a whole month I get to refer to my daughter in terms of a year instead of months. For a whole month she will be "One." Not 12 months. One Year Old. It feels a bit surreal having a one year old. How so much can change in just a year's time. The fascinating thing about this is that I will feel this way every year from now on. I will be amazed when she turns two, in awe of what she has all accomplished when she turns 3, and this is how it will be every year. I won't view the passage of time through my own birthday's but rather through Copper's. At One Year Old Copper is practicing standing on her own, can control her sitting from a standing position, she uses sign language to tell me when she wants "more", she pulls herself up on any and everything, she looks at dogs and ducks and makes sounds that sound like "dog" and "duck", she blows kisses and waves goodbye, she is not stingy when it comes to hugs, she likes to give kisses (big wet ones, often open mouth), she has two teeth, she likes to pet Melvin and Flea, she holds on to me tight when she doesn't want to go somewhere, she makes lots of sounds when she's "reading" books, she sort of knows how to use a fork and spoon, she loves cheese, and yogurt, she makes the weirdest faces, she makes me so happy that I don't miss the life that I had before she became a part of it. Every year we will wish her a Happy Birthday, make a big deal out of her special day, and buy her gifts. Every year I will reflect on all of her accomplishments and every year I will be reminded that on her birthday I was given the best gift I could ever imagine.

Quote of the Day

"No. No eating paperclips."

-Me to Copper

Chompers

Copper's bottom two chompers finally poked through about a week ago! As anticipated she tried to bite my nipple off. It was actually pretty funny because it happened kind of gradually and she was giving me a menacing look and smiling while she did it. It was hard not to laugh, which is why I did laugh. Luckily it was grandual and she didn't just bite down. Although then my reaction would have been more along the lines of discouraging instead of encouraging. Later that same day she was giving me quite the smooch and bit my lip too. Which she also found pretty funny. Ok, I did too.

Motor Skilz

Copper has been doing really good eating table food. Out of her three meals and snacks yesterday, she only ate baby food once (veggies at dinner). Otherwise it was everything that we ate. She now likes to take her spoon from me and attempt to feed herself. I've been giving her a fork to use too. Some food, such as bananas are hard to pick up and a fork makes it easier. Every once in a while she manages to stab a piece of food on her own and expertly forks it into her mouth. No injuries yet.

Time to start baby-proofing

I had threatened Copper a couple weeks ago that she couldn't turn 1 until she learned how to crawl. So she started to crawl. She's been plugging away at it for a little over a week now and I already miss the days of immobility. She's not very fast yet, but she can get around. I have to put the water dish on the counter every time she's in the Dining Room and she's obsessed with hovering around Mel and Flea while they eat. I need to start cleaning my floors on a regular basis. The other day she crawled into the kitchen and ate something off the floor. Even if it was food based, it was still quite questionable. It is fun watching her crawl and it really feels like she has progressed so much in just these last couple weeks. On Thursday she stood all by herself for about 20 seconds. Yesterday she moved about a foot around the coffee table. Next up...walking.

Cornered

What happens when you can only crawl backwards?

You get backed into a corner you can't get out of.

What do you do in those circumstances?

Make the most of it and find something to chew on.