1 or 2?

Not only does everyone ask Aubrey and I if we're planning on having another kiddo, but we ask ourselves that same question daily. Copper is a very needy child and it's rare that I feel that I have my shit together. So adding another little devil to the mix doesn't always seem like it will make my life better. But that's strictly from a logistical stand point. Logistally, I can't imagine having a second kid. Going to Target with two, getting two ready to leave the house, nursing one while trying to make a meal for the other, going for a hike with two, paying for dinner for four, airline tickets for four, traveling with two kids...it just doesn't sound fun. I think that this is because I'm engrossed in the baby stages of things, when they are very needy and dependent. I know how much Copper requires of my time and I just can't see how I could have enough time for two. Then we have those great days where Lucy is around and Copper finally lets go of my leg and sits mesmorized by her cousin. She doesn't whine or cry or beg to be held. She just watches and tries to play with Lucy. We had Lucy at our house Friday night and for the first time since Copper was born, I thought that it just may not be that bad having a second kid. We went swimming, ate dinner, took a bath, and got ready for bed and it all went super smooth. It was more work taking care of two, but way easier because Copper was always with Lucy instead of in my arms or attached to my legs. Having a sibling, I have a hard time imaging what it would be like for Copper to be an only child. I can imagine what our lives would be like (mother-daughter backpacking trips, traveling across the country molding a pro motocross racer, etc.), but I feel that I would be letting her down by not giving her a brother or sister to play with, pick on, talk to, and grow up with. Derek and I always did things together as kids and continue to do things together. I want to travel and provide a lot of experiences with Copper, but in a way I think that she won't get as much out of those experiences if she doesn't have a partner in crime to explore with. For selfish reasons I would like for Copper to be an only child, for non-selfish reasons I would like for Copper to have a sibling. I have a feeling that the non-selfish side will win the battle, but for now I'm just going to be thankful that I only have to take care of one little devil.