23 Weeks

I'm pretty delayed in getting this first post about my new pregnancy written. For a while I was waiting for the results of an ultrasound at 9 weeks. Then it was the 12 week appointment to hear the heartbeat. Then the 16 week appointment. Then the 20 week ultrasound. Then I waited because I wanted to post pics from the ultrasounds. I need to stop waiting. Everything is going great! I want to post about when I first started feeling him move (at about 17 weeks, right before the hut hike) and about feeling him move with my hand for the first time (about 21 weeks) and about how excited we were to find out we're having a boy. Yes! It's a boy! It took a little while to have a consistent positive attitude about this pregnancy. Losing Hawk at 22 weeks and then the miscarriage in October at 7 weeks and 2 friends also losing babies in October, didn't leave me with the most confident feelings towards my ability to rock out another pregnancy like I did with Copper. Turns out I'm not invincible. The excruciating cramps that marked my miscarriage last fall, that at the time I hoped were a stomach bug, revisited me at about 5 weeks this time around. Only the cramps were mild. But cramps nonetheless. Those mild cramps really messed with my head. It wasn't just the cramps. My boobs had also let me know that I was pregnant and the 2 weeks following the cramps, my boobs quit hurting. While I normally don't see the midwife until 12 weeks I went ahead and scheduled an ultrasound with my dead baby doctor (called that because he was the doctor that delivered Hawk and the doctor that gave us the news about my miscarriage) at 9 weeks. I needed the peace of mind. That ultrasound helped a lot. I didn't need it with Copper or even with Hawk, but I sure as shit needed it last fall (I went in at 10 weeks with serious doubts the baby was alive; I was right) and I needed it even more this time around. That ultrasound went fine. I then was able to wait until 13 weeks to see the midwife. After listening for a heartbeat for a whole 10 seconds, she also did an ultrasound. That ultrasound also went just fine. 16 week appointment found heartbeat quickly. 20 week ultrasound went amazing. The doctor talked about every part of the baby and every part looked great. It was quite clear that we're having a boy ;) 20 week appointment at 21 weeks also went we'll. Our little man moves everyday. I need that. Hawk stopped moving. No matter how many people tell you it's normal for the baby to not move everyday around 20 weeks, I need this kid to move everyday. Multiple times a day. He's been doing a good job at keeping me calm. So now I'm just shy of 23 weeks and feel pretty damn good about this pregnancy. I know that shit can go wrong, but I don't go there. I'm working on moving Copper's room so the baby has his room ready. At this point I'm  trying my best to treat this pregnancy like I didn't just lose two babies last year. I'm excited, Aubrey's excited, and Copper's excited. Last year put this pregnancy in perspective for me. I'm not concerned about how our lives will be affected by 2 crazy kids. I'm just excited to be having the second child that we've always wanted. I'm not have feelings of "what are getting ourselves into?" I'm having feelings of excitement and joy and love. I'm having feelings of relief. Everything is going to work out. We're going to have a boy. Copper is going to be a big sister. No more trying. This is it. It is good.