Language

Aubrey and I swear a lot. Which means that Copper hears swear words a lot. She likes to try them out. Instead of us curbing our swearing (although I have reduced my F bombs around her) we are trying out an approach of teaching her the difference between what grown ups can say and what kids can say. Example: Copper says the F Bomb. I laugh and then tell her that only grown ups can say that word. I tell her that kids say "shoot." So tonight Copper is watching tv and Nick Mom comes on. Aubrey says to her "Nick Mom! Holy guacamole!" Copper responds that, "Dad, kids say 'holy guacamole,' grown ups say "Oh shit." I think our approach is working.

30 down...10 to go

I'm pretty sure that I will regret not taking many profile pictures for this pregnancy. Especially since I'm hyper convinced that I am WAY bigger this time around than I was with Copper. So this is my first profile shot taken at 30 weeks. Just over 2 months to go (holy shit!). I did see a woman at the grocery store the other day that was kind of built like me and she was way bigger, so I guess there is still more room to grow. When I sit down on the couch at night it just doesn't seem like my belly can get any bigger. I sure hope my boobs don't get any bigger. Turns out that I definitely prefer little boobies to big ones (by "big ones" I mean a solid B cup). So far I have not experienced any swelling at all. Rings and shoes still fit. I've gained about 27 pounds which is more that I was hoping for, but I'm totally okay with it. Knowing that the best diet ever is coming soon, makes the weight gain bearable. (I'm referring to the breast feeding diet, in case you were wondering. It consists of spending large amounts of time on your ass with a baby attached to one boob or the other sucking all of the calories out of your body. It worked wonders after Copper was born. I got screwed after Hawk was born and was forced to lose that baby weight the old fashioned way. Which is why I kept most of it on.) At 30 weeks I'm feeling great. My lower back kills whenever I'm a bit too active, but a day or so of rest usually helps. The little guy is pretty active. I love feeling him move. It is the best feeling ever. All is well.

23 Weeks

I'm pretty delayed in getting this first post about my new pregnancy written. For a while I was waiting for the results of an ultrasound at 9 weeks. Then it was the 12 week appointment to hear the heartbeat. Then the 16 week appointment. Then the 20 week ultrasound. Then I waited because I wanted to post pics from the ultrasounds. I need to stop waiting. Everything is going great! I want to post about when I first started feeling him move (at about 17 weeks, right before the hut hike) and about feeling him move with my hand for the first time (about 21 weeks) and about how excited we were to find out we're having a boy. Yes! It's a boy! It took a little while to have a consistent positive attitude about this pregnancy. Losing Hawk at 22 weeks and then the miscarriage in October at 7 weeks and 2 friends also losing babies in October, didn't leave me with the most confident feelings towards my ability to rock out another pregnancy like I did with Copper. Turns out I'm not invincible. The excruciating cramps that marked my miscarriage last fall, that at the time I hoped were a stomach bug, revisited me at about 5 weeks this time around. Only the cramps were mild. But cramps nonetheless. Those mild cramps really messed with my head. It wasn't just the cramps. My boobs had also let me know that I was pregnant and the 2 weeks following the cramps, my boobs quit hurting. While I normally don't see the midwife until 12 weeks I went ahead and scheduled an ultrasound with my dead baby doctor (called that because he was the doctor that delivered Hawk and the doctor that gave us the news about my miscarriage) at 9 weeks. I needed the peace of mind. That ultrasound helped a lot. I didn't need it with Copper or even with Hawk, but I sure as shit needed it last fall (I went in at 10 weeks with serious doubts the baby was alive; I was right) and I needed it even more this time around. That ultrasound went fine. I then was able to wait until 13 weeks to see the midwife. After listening for a heartbeat for a whole 10 seconds, she also did an ultrasound. That ultrasound also went just fine. 16 week appointment found heartbeat quickly. 20 week ultrasound went amazing. The doctor talked about every part of the baby and every part looked great. It was quite clear that we're having a boy ;) 20 week appointment at 21 weeks also went we'll. Our little man moves everyday. I need that. Hawk stopped moving. No matter how many people tell you it's normal for the baby to not move everyday around 20 weeks, I need this kid to move everyday. Multiple times a day. He's been doing a good job at keeping me calm. So now I'm just shy of 23 weeks and feel pretty damn good about this pregnancy. I know that shit can go wrong, but I don't go there. I'm working on moving Copper's room so the baby has his room ready. At this point I'm  trying my best to treat this pregnancy like I didn't just lose two babies last year. I'm excited, Aubrey's excited, and Copper's excited. Last year put this pregnancy in perspective for me. I'm not concerned about how our lives will be affected by 2 crazy kids. I'm just excited to be having the second child that we've always wanted. I'm not have feelings of "what are getting ourselves into?" I'm having feelings of excitement and joy and love. I'm having feelings of relief. Everything is going to work out. We're going to have a boy. Copper is going to be a big sister. No more trying. This is it. It is good.

Quote of the Day

"When the sun sets at night it goes underground."

-Copper

It was really cool listening to Copper make sense of the world around her. This wasn't something we had ever talked about, she just brought it up in the car yesterday morning. 

Sneaky Little Shit

The other morning Copper asked me if she could use her iPad. I told her, "No. I'd rather you go play." She said, "Okay, mommy" and skedaddled off to her room. Presumably to play. A while later I walked by her closed bedroom door and asked what she was up to. She responded, "Nothing" in a very sweet and innocent voice. Then I heard the sound of one of her iPad games. So after I told her to go play, she went to the cabinet, pulled out her iPad, walked to her room, shut the door, and sat down to play. Sneaky little shit.

1 Year

April 13th was Hawk's "Birthday." I put that in quotations, because I guess it's not your typical Birthday. It is the day he was born, but he had been dead for a couple weeks. And it's not the day he supposed to be born. But technically, since it is the day he was born, I guess it's his birthday. We brought out a couple small balloons to the cemetery, but it was snowing and blowing pretty hard, so we didn't put much out. I had spent the week prior painting and working on our dining room (and dealing with a foundation issue) and that weekend Aubrey and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary downtown. The day didn't hit us very hard. We've been busy. Two people brought us flowers and Aubrey's sister had a bracelet made for me with Hawk's name and birthday on it. People remembered his birthday without us saying anything about it. I was surprised at how thoughtful people can be. A year ago, we went through the most traumatic and emotional event of our lives. But we came to terms with it a long time ago. I wasn't apprehensive about the date coming up or how I would feel when it came. Hawk's death is what it is. We're okay. We're good even. We have an amazing little girl who makes us appreciate what we do have every single day. Yes, we wish Hawk was here, but he's not. We're glad that we had him as long as we did and that we can "celebrate" his "Birthday."

Hawk's Stone

Aubrey and I wanted to design Hawk's stone and not just pick a generic image. So it took us about 7 months to finalize a design. When it finally came in, it was wrong and had to be sent back and fixed. Now it is in for good and we love how it turned out. Our initial thoughts were to have an image of Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba or maybe a dirt bike. Something that was kid friendly and of interest to us. Luckily we took our time with it and came up with something more meaningful. The two trees symbolize Aubrey and I as a sort of protection. The saying, "See Ya Later, Hawk" is from Copper. Now our little man has his cemetery name tag.

(Copper loves dumping sand into all the grooves. It's real great.)

View from the Sidelines

Copper started the preschool aged gym class this January. That means no more parent tot classes for us. I am now one of the bleacher moms that sits and chats while their child happily participates in class. I admit that I miss being with her and seeing up close all the cool gym class stuff she does. But I also like watching from afar while she lets the coach help her with a new skill. (She never let the coach help when I was around. It was always, "No! Mommy help.") She listens well and does what she is told. She does great without me. The other day her group walked right in front of the bleachers on their way to the balance beams and she waved and said "Hi" to me as she walked by. She makes me smile.

(She's  on the right with the yellow shirt and striped pants.)

Christmas in Baby Land

1st Day of School

Copper Jo had her 1st day of school on Wednesday! I had 5 glorious hours kid free. We had originally planned on starting her in school back in August because we were expecting a baby, but when that fell through, we didn't really feel the urgency to get her in. As time went on and she kept getting older, it really made sense to find something for her that let her play with other kids and have a little school style structure (and get her away from the television for an extended time). We only wanted her to go two half days a week and that turned out to be a little hard to find. Montessori schools do half days, but it's 5 days a week and costs a pretty penny. Other schools didn't have a spot available and others were too expensive. Then I came across Kidzapalooza. It's about a mile from our house, had spots available, was inexpensive, and offered complete flexibility. After a tour I deemed it acceptable for my child. Copper liked it too. It's not too fancy and I don't expect a huge amount of learning (it really is more of a day care, than a school), but that's okay. She's 3. This fall she'll start Preschool and then the real learning can begin. I dropped her off about 10:00 on Wednesday morning, just after snack and right before "Circle Time." She had no problem with me leaving and was making a block tower as I said my 10th good-bye to her. I was a little sad leaving her. I didn't want to walk away from her classroom. It was the first time I'd left her with strangers. However, that sadness seemed to quickly ware off as I ran some kid free errands and then worked from a kid free home. I picked her up about 3:30, just after afternoon snack. She had a great day. No problems. She didn't eat any of the school's lunch, but that was somewhat expected. I'll have to start packing them from now on. She was happy to see me and even told me she missed me. Transition to school was a success!

Santa Claus - Creating New Traditions

Aubrey and I decided that this was the year to figure out what our Christmas Tradition was going to be. Much like how I grew up, Christmas will most likely always be spent out of town. We'll have our personal family Christmas before we leave for Texas and those gifts will be from Aubrey and I. We decided that we will have fun with Santa Claus and put a little magic in Christmas. So Santa will come to wherever we are on Christmas Eve night while Copper is sleeping and deliver one present to her. It won't be the best or most expensive gift. That will be reserved to come from her most awesome parents. But it will always be a gift that she has asked for. This year it was a Lalaloopsy Doll. On Christmas Eve night Copper put out some cookies that we made and a glass of milk for Santa.  Sure enough there was a special gift waiting for her under the tree in the morning. It seemed to freak her out a little. Not too sure she quite understands the complex story of Santa and his travels.